Acceptance - or how do I deal with finitude?
by Sylvia F. Rodatz - Life Transformation, The Hague, 10.02.2022
A few weeks ago, I received the news that a family member my age had suddenly fallen seriously ill and wanted me to visit so that he could still have a chance to say goodbye.
A long pause.
I didn't want to think about how the person was doing. I was busy with myself & infinitely confused. What do I do with the fact that someone is torn out of life in the middle of it? What do I do with the fact that I can no longer do anything? Everything seems to be beyond my influence & control. How do I deal with the person concerned? What do I say to her? How do I comfort her? How do I deal with my feeling of absolute injustice, my frustration and my anger?
Our claim to 100% control, predictability, security, freedom from guilt & fear, the idea of justice & non-neglect, originates from our natural needs, but at the same time paralyses us & makes us unable to decide & act. As long as we have the expectation that these needs can be fulfilled, we fight to preserve something what actually does not exist. That means we are afraid of losing something we don't even possess.
This is also the case with infinity.
In our performance- and success-driven societies, we have distanced ourselves from the acceptance of death and finitude.
But there is the magic - ACCEPTANCE. It is only when we accept that we are finite that we come into contact with the value-based nature of our lives. We allow ourselves to be sad about the fact that we are finite. Only this acceptance frees us from the endless struggle. Maybe out of this silence we become able to decide and act, so that we dare to take small steps into conscious life again.
In an event on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, the lecturer @Valerie Kiel from the ACT Academy showed a picture of Snoopy:
"One day we will all die, Snoopy" said Charly.
"True, but not all the other days, Charly." Snoopy replied.
I met the person concerned with few other family members in a restaurant. That was the way it was wanted.
We laughed, talked a lot, remembered childhood & the heart-warming silliness we used to do together. We cried together, gave each other strength, held hands & were silent. We ate a lot, drank wine, asked for loud music & didn't pay attention to the time. A space in the here & now.
As we made our way home, my relative said - I had felt like being alive & alive again today.
My relative already internalized the message of Snoopy.
I am grateful for that & for him and can learn from him.
Let's talk about it.
#acceptance #life #finality #hereandnow #counselling #coaching #therapy #LifeTransformation #SylviaRodatz
It thinks (G.C. Lichtenberg) -
or how do I not mix up my thoughts with myself.
by Sylvia F. Rodatz, Life Transformation Coaching & Counselling, Den Haag, 26.01.2022
"I really have a mental merry-go-round." said the client. "I'm going round in circles and don't know what to do."
Do you know the feeling when your worries, fears, anxieties, assumptions take on a life of their own? And even though you know on a rational level that what is happening in your head right now, which triggers strong emotions and physical reactions, is only the result of your imagination and pure hypothesis, somehow you can't stop this flow of thoughts.
In fact, like on a merry-go-round, you (not only) mentally turn in circles.
It is almost like a parallel world, a side reality, in which we spin the complete ideas and scenarios, interactions with others, our own actions, what is said, feelings and events in such situations. And yes, we suffer from these own imaginings, are angry or desperate and full of fears because of these imaginations, and even feel these fears physically. Like for example: our stomach contracts, our throat tightens, our heartbeat increases, we blush and sweat, we breathe faster and heavier, and many more.
And then, as a result of this imagination, we take flight into avoidance of these situations and withdraw ourselves.
That means without having actually tried these situations, without knowing how it would really have gone, we avoid these situations.
And the more often we then avoid the feared, the more our anxiety and fears intensify, so that we use even more avoidance strategies and thus consistently feed the feeling of anxiety. A vicious circle.
The good news is that the mechanisms described can be worked on and that behind our fear lies one of the most precious evolutionary instincts.
If we manage to adopt a meta-position so that we, as a person, do not mix up ourselves with our thoughts, we can think clearly again and decide consciously and freely.
How can I support you in finding a way to deal with your thoughts?
#thoughtcarousel #anxiety #fear #free #instincts #patterns #mechanisms #selfefficacy #composure #conscious #decisions
#Counselling #Coaching #therapy #LifeTransformation #SylviaRodatz
"Knowledge is the philosopher's stone."
by Sylvia F. Rodatz, Life Transformation Coaching & Counselling, Den Haag, 26.11.2021
A few days ago I watched a "Terra X" documentary about Fascination Universe with @Prof.HaraldLesch. There was a passage where Prof. Lesch said a sentence that felt very coherent with me and left me reflecting: "#Knowledge is the philosopher's stone."
In #development, #research, #science, indeed in all areas of #life, recognizing first enables us to become aware of processes that have remained unconscious and thus unnoticed until that particular moment.
With recognition we gradually become aware of their #impact and the result and through the knowledge gained we can transfer, implement and influence them.
If phenomena and #processes remain hidden and run automatically, we are in a certain way at their mercy. We do not understand them, can neither change nor influence them, let alone learn from them or transfer them to other areas of life.
However, if we take #insight into the processes and phenomena, understand them and their interactions, experience them ourselves, see the effects and the #result, we gain precious knowledge and we experience a kind of #enlightenment - we realize.
Already in alchemy between the 1st and 3rd century the idea of a philosopher's stone (Latin Lapis philosophorum) was developed, which represented in the broadest sense the principle of transformation and re-transformation, also as a symbol for the transformation of the lower into the higher #self.
In my work as a coach and psychological counsellor, I so often see in my clients the wonderful and liberating effect of recognition and the accompanying transformation into the higher self that allows them to flourish and grow. When the involuntary or unconscious mechanisms, which are automatically run like a program, suddenly become conscious and the clients see that they are not helpless in the face of them, but can influence them themselves - I literally see and hear how the penny drops. Suddenly there is conscious #experience and #sight behind the processes that take place, and the realization that makes it possible to create, build your own #reality, and be #self-efficacious.
A lot of work, I know... let's make it happen.
With my support you can bring your #processes, #mechanisms, #motivations, #values, #strategies, #strengths, #skills, #fears, #obstacles and #patterns out of #hiding into #consciousness, so that they are visible and you can decide if and which influence you want to have.
MISTAKES are SUPPORTERS
by Sylvia F. Rodatz, Life Transformation Coaching & Counselling, The Hague, 03.112021
Failed strategies of today are solution-supporting strategies of tomorrow.
Mistakes are therefore supporters.
Which precious MISTAKES from the old year would you like to make your SUPPORTERS in the new year?
We are so socialized that the word mistake has a negative connotation.
I.e., if we define a certain action as a mistake ourselves, or a certain behavior is seen as a mistake by our fellow human beings, we quickly get the impression that we have done something wrong. The social understanding of mistakes that we have been trained to have often creates a feeling of shame and guilt, possibly also fear, and even the need to keep oneself hidden. Despite the thousands of years of philosophical discourse on how to deal with mistakes and the recent attempts to introduce a "positive culture of mistakes" in the organizational and social context, mistakes still require justifications and excuses. Yet even Aristotle considered that mistakes are not based on bad intentions.
Already Horace admonished in his Ars Poetica, "Into error leads us the flight from error," Seneca held, "To err is human," and Cicero stated, "Every man can be mistaken, but only fools persist in error."
The Japanese term "kaizen," which originated in manufacturing engineering, literally means change (kai) for the better (zen). It denotes the pursuit of continuous improvement in all areas of a company - which also means a willingness to learn. Especially in Japan, this approach requires great courage, namely to overcome the fear of admitting mistakes. (In Japan, where admitting mistakes is equal to losing face, mistakes are not talked about).
In the pursuit of improvement, kaizen simultaneously implies that there are no processes without errors at all.
We have been making mistakes since the dawn of mankind. Mistakes happen especially in complex environments and situations ( also in an emotional sense), where it is more likely that our experience and knowledge are not sufficient to deal appropriately with the unfamiliar settings. We learn to handle these new situations by trying out solutions and strategies, developing new skills or re-activating the ones we already have. Mistakes that happen during this process are thus supportive in figuring out a suitable strategy. If we consider #mistakes as #supporters we develop a new and appreciative way of dealing with the mistaken strategies, as they also have a goal-oriented benefit - the learning effect from which the parties involved can benefit.
With a #PositiveErrorCulture, we achieve #PsychologicalSafety, which supports our #invention and #creativity and reduces a person's fear of being fundamentally #accepted and #valued.
Therefore, mistakes and #learning from them provide new #opportunities in all #LifeContexts.
Let's talk about it!
#YearEnd #coaching online or in presence with me Sylvia Felicja Rodatz @Life Transformation Coaching & Counseling in The Hague.
... I am looking forward to everything that arises...
by Sylvia F. Rodatz, Life Transformation Coaching, The Hague, 26.07.2021
... I am looking forward to everything that arises...
not something specific... maybe partially though... because we have visions...
I am looking forward to everything that comes with the development, with all the off-the-beaten track events and the looking-into-the-side-streets, to perceive the ideas, inspirations, people and possibilities and encounters there.... and to take them with me, possibly...
That which is allowed to arise implies in a wonderful and relieving way that the process does not have to be finished, or even gratifyingly never has to be finished. And that we do not have to reach a state, but are allowed to remain in the process.
We are allowed to transform ourselves and our path and in our welcome flexibility and changeability always remain malleable and in motion.
Arising implies that we are allowed to decide in the course of the process. We may first give ourselves permission to an unfinished, imperfect form and welcome it.... and be curious about how this form will develop and change, and how often and with what (intermediate) results....
Arising implies acceptance for the process, the pace, the change, the loops we keep turning, the imperfection, acceptance for what is... and for all that arises and that what we can, may, want to shape.
With her new song "I am in love with my future", Billie Eilish has offered me a fitting musical background to these #HappyMondayThoughts.
#coaching #change #arise #process #movement #allow #be #accept #discover #develop
"Here I am a human being, here I am allowed to be.... (Faust, Goethe) -
or what we can learn from our children."
by Sylvia F. Rodatz - Life Transformation Coaching, The Hague 28.04.2021
It has been a very long time since I was allowed to visit my family in Germany. I live in the Netherlands and during the Corona period with all its justified restrictions it is not easy to travel across borders. Suddenly borders become real borders now even in the Schengen area, especially when the country is declared a risk area or high incidence area.
Today I called my family in Germany. My 6-year-old nephew answered the phone. He recently broke his right foot and is now staying at home, not least because there have been Corona cases in the kindergarten again and his group is in quarantine for 2 weeks.
He will start the first grade of primary school this year and practically replaces his older brother, who moves to the high school.
My little nephew is looking forward to it.
He tells me that his brother will attend PKG.
I say that the "G" probably stands for "Gymnasium".
"What do the "P" and the "K" stand for?" - I ask.
My nephew: "That stands for Paul Klee."
"Wow!" - I reply. "That's great! And do you know who Paul Klee was?"
The little one shoots right out, "Yes, of course! He was a human being! And then I know that he was also a painter." This statement by the 6-year-old made me pause for a moment.
We adults have a habit of asking about someone's profession when we meet them. It is as if this aspect of life, even though it is a significant part of life and is part of living, is the only and most important feature of a human being's existence. In my nephew's case, the human being comes first, before the profession is allowed to complement being human.
"And have you been able to see his paintings yet?"- I ask.
"Yes," he says.
"And do you like them?"
"Yes, I think so..." - he replies. I get the feeling that my 6-year-old nephew's Paul Klee interest might not be so huge after all.
"Do you know what really excites me about his painting?" - I ask. "It's this imaginative world that he depicts with thoroughly simple figures and sets them in full colours. In doing so, he has managed to influence not only painting, but also the art of the last century. I think it's really great and because of my enthusiasm for Klee, I can now remember the name of the Gymnasium your brother attends very easily."
"I see that." - My nephew says. "Do you know auntie what excites me the most?" "Simple and colourful figures my family and friends have also painted on my gypsum. It looks really great and whenever I look at my foot, I have to think of them and smile. And you know, auntie, I think that people paint these little hearts and pictures on my plaster because they want to please me. And I think that's great when you do something for other people."
He continues, "My dad (doctor) for example, goes away every Sunday to vaccinate people. And even though he's tired, he does it so that people will be able to see each other and cuddle each other sooner again. And even though I always miss him on Sundays, I do really badly, I know the vaccinations are more important." "Yes, I get excited when people do something for other people."
I don't need to say how speechless and moved I was.
A 6-year-old boy puts his own needs and desires aside because he understands that there is a greater purpose in terms of Viktor Frankl's vision of life, which is significant for society. He feels the need to serve this purpose and is able, at only six years of age, to put aside his need for love and attention, the need for his father, because he sees the other peoples' needs and he knows that through the father's commitment, a great purpose - the possible return to visiting family/friends and being allowed to take oneself in one's arms - seems more accessible for EVERYONE in this way. Such a high level of altruism in a 6-year-old touched me very much.
And my little nephew puts this altruism and humanity before everything else. He sees the altruism of others, and values it as a greater gift than his own joy. A truly magnificent 6-year-old human being!
Mentally back in the Netherlands, I watch a few children on the street ringing the doors of various houses. They are carrying bigger bundles of flowers.
Then I understand... in my part of town there are many elderly people who only dare to go out on the street to a limited extent at the moment. The Netherlands is a high-incidence country. These people are lonely. These children who go from door to door, ringing doorbells and handing out flowers with a smile, show us adults in their childlike way the simple and uncomplicated way of altruism - to be there for others - a promising act of humanity that will perhaps also contribute to a slightly better world after Corona.
#altruism #lifemission #lifevision #forothers #beinghuman #foreachother #learningfromchildren
"Every expert was once a beginner"
by Sylvia F. Rodatz, Life Transformation Coaching, The Hague 12.04.2021
A few days ago, an encounter made me think.
We had been having a discussion on a certain professional topic in a small group of experts.
The founder of the method to be discussed is truly a great authority in his field and is also well known for the method he developed. I will call him Mr. Connectikus.The discussion was insightful, lively and inspiring.
Before we closed the meeting, one participant said... that we can now at least take something from Mr. Connektikus' theory with us on our path in life, even if none of us will ever be a Mr. Connektikus.
... hmm... paused for a moment... and asked myself, is that what someone wants to be...? Why would one want to be someone else?
I had never had this thought before, that I wanted to be someone else, even if this phrase is only the result of comparing one's own success with that of someone else.
Oh yes, a great many people inspire me with their ideas, successes, way of life, courage, humanity, wisdom, creativity, spirituality and much more, every day and constantly. Some of them I even admire. And it is precisely this admiration and inspiration that motivate me, make me curious, make me look for new ways, make me define new focuses, make me gain all the more knowledge and thus better understand the connections.... Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fit together more and more, creating a bigger and bigger picture.... I love this feeling when it happens.
And also the awareness, that the people who inspire me in this miraculous way, once started with their own little puzzle pieces, before they became a big picture, and this awareness allows me to approach my life journey confidently and full of trust and to consciously enjoy it.
This big picture that emerges is the picture defined by me, by Sylvia F. Rodatz, even if inspired by thousands of wonderful individuals in this enchanting diversity of the world. And ... it is not meant to be a picture of Mr. Connectikus. Because Mr. Connectikus may have other values, ideas, convictions, other needs, other preferences, yet other inclinations, perhaps yes, a completely different philosophy of life, than I do. A philosophy of life that... if I were to impose it on myself, might make me quite unhappy, because it didn't fit my personality, because it wouldn't fit into the context of my life, because... it would just be too big or too small, too colourful or too dull...and there would be a thousand reasons against it...who knows?
So this is so wonderful, to be MYSELF and to determine my own path, to pursue what interests me, to live my own values and according to my philosophy, to set my own pace, to determine where I want to go, to exert influence myself, to experience self-efficacy and self-determination and.... develop self-confidence and thus my own self-worth.
Despite all the possibilities of comparison that are constantly available in all media, "I AM OK" and saying "YES" to myself feels good and is purposeful in order to lead a fulfilled life in self-acceptance.
Maybe it was just a phrase used by the participant in the discussion group. But even in that case... knowing that our language forms our reality, I would perhaps ask what it means to the participant to be Mr Connectikus. Because then it might become visible to this person what she wants for herself... and perhaps she would then see that so much of what she wants is already THERE and everything else and much more that is to be added can be achieved by herself and through her own efforts. With the significant difference that she SELF defines the desired result, so that in the end she may be a "Mrs. Happy" instead of "Mr. Connectikus".
#believe #selfconfidence #selfworth #selfdetermination #selfefficacy #selfacceptance #yourownway #coaching #IamOKAY #YEStoMyself #beingYourself